


Hear Me

by AKUMA_jpg



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst, F/F, Shuhua'sParentsAreHomophobic, SoojinIsTsundere, highschoolAU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25071388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKUMA_jpg/pseuds/AKUMA_jpg
Summary: “You talked, but I didn’t listen. It seems fair my punishment is silence.”For as long as she could remember, she and Shuhua were dating. Forgetting their 4th year anniversary, Shuhua’s had enough. Pushing away her friends and family, Soojin tries to find her way back.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 17
Kudos: 235





	1. "Like Me, Like My Heart"

For as long as Soojin knew, Shuhua was always by her side. She recalls back to freshman year when the shy Taiwanese beauty asked her on a date after slipping a love note in her locker. And without thinking, Soojin said yes. Not realizing how much time has passed since she and the flirtatious girl had been dating until she opened her locker before heading to class. A single red rose fell out, with a note attached. In neat handwriting, she read  _ “Happy 4th year anniversary JinJin♡”  _

  


_ Shit _ . She knew she was forgetting something. Everyone knew Soojin was the tsundere of the couple but this was the 3rd anniversary she forgot. 

  


“That from Shuhua?” She heard Minnie ask from behind her. Miyeon was holding her hand as they passed by the lockers on the way to their 1st period. 

  


“Yeah, I can’t believe I forgot again.” Soojin sighed. 

  


“You forgot!” Miyeon squealed. 

  


“Yeah?”

  


“Oh my god Soojin, you forgot the last one.” She groaned. “Last year she got you that nice set of paintbrushes and you just kept saying it wasn’t your birthday yet.”

  


“Yeah, thanks I know. I don’t need to be reminded.” She sulks, placing the rose back in her locker and closing it. 

  


“Jin-ah, you need to get your game on, otherwise she’s gonna leave you,” Minnie warned.

  


_ Psh, as if. _ Soojin rolled her eyes. If there was one word to describe Shuhua, it was loyal. Half the day they were practically attached at the hip. Shuhua made it very clear she adored the other girl, imperfections and all. She was always swooning whenever they were together, staring longly into her eyes or softly kissing the beauty mark under her left eye. 

  


But this morning, despite it being their 4th year anniversary, Shuhua had begun a sour start to her day. Her parents were pestering her, asking her when she’d be getting a boyfriend.

  


_ “Shuhua-yah, when are you going to bring home a nice boy?” _

  


_ “I know some nice boys at church that would love to meet you,” _

  


_ “Shuhua? What do you think of Chan? He’s nice isn’t he?” _

  


Shuhua’s family was  _ very  _ religious and  _ very _ unaware of her apparent gayness. Soojin remembers having to pretend to be Shuhua’s friend every time they hung out at her house. But despite having a rough morning, she still doesn’t shy away from clinging to Soojin during lunch. 

  


“Shuhua, stop it. People are staring.” She complained, trying to pry the girl off her. 

  


Pouting and separating herself from her girlfriend, Shuhua remembered something. “Oh! That’s right, I almost forgot JinJin,” She reached into her bag and pulled out a neatly wrapped present and placed it on her lap. 

  


Miyeon and Minnie were giving Soojin nervous looks since she completely forgot to get her girlfriend a gift. Cautiously opening the box, inside were the expensive HIMI Japanese paints she’s been wanting forever. 

  


“Shuhua, really? Thanks! These must’ve cost a fortune.” It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Soojin that Shuhua would spend every last penny on her but there she was, jaw on the floor. 

  


“Yup,” She said with a proud smile. “It took me 3 weeks and many late nights working at the store just to buy it.” Hugging Soojin’s free arm once again. 

  


Shuhua’s family owned the town grocery store, she often worked behind the counter or restocking items on shelves. Soojin knew how hard it must’ve been, knowing how much Shuhua hated that place. In their sophomore year together, Shuhua would often come over ranting about how she hated how boring it was there. But she needed money and over the past 4 years, Shuhua was saving up to go to a nice college in Seoul where she’d study to be a veterinarian. 

  


“Do you like it?” She asked with her big puppy eyes staring up at her. 

  


“I-”

  


“What’s up losers!” She heard a deeper voice interrupt them. That voice belonged to Song Yuqi, Shuhua’s best friend, and Jeon Soyeon’s girlfriend. 

  


“Thought we’d find you guys here,” Soyeon said from behind her taller girlfriend. “You guys coming to the house party we’re throwing later?”

  


Soojin was  _ supposed _ to cook dinner for her and Shuhua, but not wanting to miss the party of the year, “Yeah, we’ll be there.” She responded with a smile, not noticing when Shuhua’s expression fell for a second. 

  


___

  


Finally coming home after a long school day, she was going to have to start getting ready soon. Ignoring the text Shuhua sent her and instead, throwing her bag on the floor and kicking off her shoes.

  


“Soojin-ah? Are you home?” She heard her father from the living room. 

  


“Yes, appa.”

  


“Come in here, we need to talk.” Oh god, that never meant anything good. 

  


“What is this!?” Her mom was pointing angrily at the B on her report card. “We raised you to be a Seo, not an idiot.” 

  


Her parents really wanted her to be a doctor when she graduated but she, of course, wanted to be a painter. Her parents were very against it and still are. 

  


_ “Soojin, that’s not a profession, that’s a hobby.” _

  


_ “Don’t be ridiculous, Soojin, you’ll never be successful if you chose to pursue that.” _

  


Dodging her parent’s sharp words, she still continued to paint. She as pretty good at it too. Maybe she’d notice if she wasn’t told she was a disappointment all the time, she only showed Shuhua her works and kept them hidden under her bed. 

  


“Have you been studying at all? Why are you getting Bs? Explain yourself.” Her mother spit. 

  


“My classes are hard umma, APs are not easy.” 

  


“If you want to be a doctor, you’re going to have to try a lot harder. Go to your room.” Her father said in a deadly tone. 

  


_ I don’t want to be a doctor. _ She kept repeating in her head as she marched into her room. She hated her room, she hated the white walls that surrounded it, she wanted to smear them with paint, just to ruin it. Once she tried to hang one of her oil paintings, it was a landscape portrait of when she and Shuhua went to the park together. But one day when she got home, the painting was missing from her wall, she searched all over for it, just to find it in the garbage can outside. She learned her lesson not to display her works. 

  


Running her hand through her hair, agitated, she pulled out the paints she got today and a piece of thick watercolor paper. Dipping her brush in the thick gouache paints, she boldly strokes it across the sheet. Tension leaving her shoulders as she continues to add to the paper, she forgets why she was even mad in the first place. Interrupting the piece, she gets a text from Yuqi.

  


___

  


**Gogi [7:54 pm]**

You need the address to the party?

**SooSoo [7:54 pm]**

Sure

  


___

  


It wasn’t like Soojin to willingly agree to go to one of Yuqi and Soyeon’s annual house parties, but she enjoyed spending time with her friends and felt like it’s been too long since all of them had hung out. Between Shuhua working at the shop, her going to cram school, Soyeon and Miyeon making music in her garage, and Yuqi and Minne doing god knows what, they haven’t all hung out together for a long time. Slipping out of her school uniform and putting her paper by the window to dry, she gets into some casual clothes and heads out. 

  


Her parents didn’t really care what she did, as long as she got straight As and graduated, it didn’t matter to them. Besides getting one B, Soojin was a pretty smart and responsible person and they trusted her that much. Turning her key in the ignition of her car, she sped off to Soyeon’s house. 

  


There were already a ton of people at her house when Soojin arrived, cringing as she saw a couple of jocks throw people in the pool. She could foresee Soyeon getting grounded for throwing this party. But Soyeon seemed unbothered, grooving at a DJ turntable, playing loud music other seniors were losing their shit to. 

  


Looking around for a bit before she saw her friends sitting on a couch in the secluded living room. There some people there, but the atmosphere seemed a lot calmer. Sitting cross-legged, Shuhua was sipping on an unknown liquid in a red cup. Her girlfriend was wearing a red tube top with blue denim shorts and a pair of hightop converse, her make up made her look sculpted by the gods themselves. Although she didn’t wear that much, the way it drew attention to her natural beauty never ceased to make Soojin speechless. But Shuhua looked bored, uncomfortable almost. Shuhua being the more social out of the two, it was weird seeing her not talking to anyone and just sitting idly by Yuqi’s side as she was talking to Miyeon and laughing. 

  


“Ah! Soojin, you’re here.” Shuhua’s expression seemed to brighten as she pulled her to sit next to her. “Hi,” She placed a soft kiss on her cheek, she smelled like flowers and vodka, a deadly mix. 

  


The rest of the night consisted of Shuhua drinking 2 bottles of liquor, dancing along to the music Soyeon was playing, and Soojin just sitting on the couch playing with her dog. But that changed when Shuhua pulled Soojin on the makeshift dance floor. 

  


Drunkenly singing along to  _ Kick It _ by NCT 127 and grinding against her, Soojin tried to pull away. 

  


“Come on, Shuhua stop this.” She walked off into some unoccupied hallway, away from all the music. 

  


“It’s just a dance JinJin,” Shuhua teased, words slurred. “Live a little.”

  


“I’m leaving.” She said in an annoyed tone.

  


“What’s your problem?” A bit of venom in her words this time, Soojin looked back at the now angry Shuhua. 

  


“Excuse me? What’s my problem? You’re the one who’s drunk.”

  


“Oh, of course, it’s always my fault.” Shuhua was getting really worked up now. “It’s my fault I just want to spend time with my girlfriend. It’s my fault you keep forgetting our anniversaries. It’s my fault you keep ignoring me and pushing me away.” 

  


“I-”

  


“You don’t even talk to me anymore.” Tears starting to form in the Taiwanese girl’s eyes. Shuhua moved to pull Soojin into another one of her rib crushing hugs. 

  


“Stop it Shuhua.” Soojin pushed, she pushed the drunken girl a bit too hard and Shuhua fell backward on her butt.

  


Her head hung on her shoulders, long wavy black hair shielding her face as she cried, “Do you even love me?” Soojin was frozen. “Soojin-ah. Do you love me? Have you ever?”

  


Memories of her and Shuhua in the past seemed one-sided at this point in time. She remembers the countless times she forgot it was her birthday and spent her days locked up in her room, painting and listening to music. The times Shuhua begged her to come with her to see a movie or come over. Their relationship seemed like unrequited love, her mind torturing her right now, Soojin couldn’t seem to remember why she said yes to Shuhua when she asked her out. 

  


“I don’t even know what love is.” She stated plainly, slowly backing away from the fallen Shuhua. 

  


Walking away front the scene, she hears Minnie somewhere in the distance. “Shuhua? Shuhua, are you ok? What happened? Why are you crying? Are you ok?” 

  


Getting into her car and driving home, Soojin didn’t know what it was she was feeling. She couldn’t explain it, but the moment she got a text from Miyeon asking where she was, she stared at her lock screen for too long, feeling a painful twist in her heart. It was a picture of Shuhua taking a picture of them, she was smiling at the camera, holding up a peace sign, while Soojinwas next to her straight-faced and distant looking. 

  


___

  


Shuhua woke up with four heads looming over her. Minnie, Yuqi, Miyeon, and Soyeon were worriedly looking down at her. Her head felt like it was going to explode and her eyes were puffy. 

  


“What?” She managed to say. 

  


“Dude, you were sooooo drunk yesterday.” Yuqi’s expression not changing. “What happened?”

  


The girls moving aside so she could sit up, Shuhua noticed she was in Soyeon’s room, wearing an oversized t-shirt. “I don’t know, I just remember dancing… and then dancing with Soojin… and then we got into a fight,” The nights horrible events starting to come back to her, one by one. “She didn’t want to though, so she started walking away… I asked her if she loved me and she… s-she left-” Tears falling from her eyes once again. 

  


Miyeon was rubbing soft circles on her back, trying to calm her down while Yuqi and Minnie were talking outside, in hushed voices. 

  


Shuhua came home around noon, after taking a shower she face planted in her bed. Going into a fetal position, she cried for the second time that day. 

  


She loved Soojin, she loved Soojin so much it hurt. From the first day she saw her, she knew she’d risk it all. From a young age, Shuhua knew she liked girls. Watching old princess movies, where the prince sweeps her off her feet, she found herself wanting to be in the position of the prince, not the other way around. She knew her parents would never accept her for who she was, no matter how much they said they loved her, and she’s used to by now. But the day she saw Seo Soojin drawing a sketch of a small bird in the garden of their high school, she knew she didn’t stand a chance. 

  


Taking a leap of faith, she asked her out, after Yuqi gave her a 3-hour pep talk hyping her up. Surprisingly, Soojin said yes, which was odd considering she wasn’t known to be openly gay around the campus, but Shuhua wasn’t complaining. 

  


Shuhua was quick to give her everything, she had always just assumed the other girl was shy when it came to skinship and not that she didn’t like her. The realization hit her like a freight train that night when Soojin left her on the floor. 

  


Soojin didn’t love her back. Other people would’ve told her she’s being overdramatic and that no one’s first love is their last, but Shuhua felt like it was the end of the world. Not only were the fears of her being unlovable resurfacing, but she started believing what her parents would say whenever they saw people of the same gender holding hands romantically. 

  


_ “No one will ever find love in same-sex relationships.” _

  


_ “It’s gross, how can those people live with themselves.”  _

  


She often heard her parents say. Deep in the depths of her mind, self-loathing was coming out.  _ Why doesn’t Soojin love me? Am I just that disgusting? What’s wrong with me? _ Although most of her friends were gay, she still had these reassuring insecurities. A part of her hated that she liked women, the thought of her parents kicking her out of their house, and never speaking to her again because of her sexuality really scared her. It’s not like she chose to be gay. For the earliest parts of her life, she was told homosexuality was a sin. She tried to bury it deep down and conceal it. That was until she met her best friend Song Yuqi.

  


She met Yuqi in middle school. The young Chinese girl was quick to befriend her and stay by her side. But there was something different about Yuqi’s family that Shuhua had never seen before, she had two dads. Jungwoo and Lucas were her dads, the first playdate they had, she asked them a lot of questions. 

  


_ “How was Yuqi born?” _

  


_ “Do you love each other?” _

  


_ “Can I marry a girl and be happy?” _

  


_ “My parents say it’s a side effect of mental illness, is it?” _

  


Lucas and Jungwoo were very accepting of her coming out, she started spending more time at their house than hers as she grew up in adolescence. It was like her second home, a place to escape to whenever her parents were too hateful. But right now, she never felt so alone. 

  


___

  


That following Monday, Shuhua avoided Soojin like a plague. This was the first lunch period she spent with Shuhua not attached to her, it felt odd. She wasn’t answering any of her text and wasn’t at her locker when she waited there for her at the end of the day. Soojin hated high school drama and just wanted to apologize to her girlfriend and get it over with. Then from the corner of her eye, she spots Yuqi walking, hand in hand, with Soyeon.

  


“Yuqi!” She quickly runs over to where the two are standing. “Have you seen Shuhua? She’s not answering her phone.”

  


Yuqi stopping to think for a second, giving her a slight glare, “No, I don’t know where she is.” She then takes off, huffing. 

  


“Sorry, she’s just a bit mad,” Soyeon assures her. “Also, heads up, Miyeon’s kinda pissed too.” 

  


Soojin didn’t know they knew about the fight they had, but since Shuhua was blackout drunk that night, it didn’t really come as a surprise to her. Giving Soyeon a slight nod before leaving to search for the shorter girl. 

  


After an hour of looking, she finds her peacefully reading in the library. Her nose in some animal book, unaware of Soojin’s presence. 

  


“Hey,” Soojin was standing in front of her awkwardly. 

  


For the first time ever, Shuhua didn’t give her a trademarked heart eye gaze. Instead, her stare was icy. “Yes?”

  


“Um… C-can we talk?” A bit intimidated by the girl’s mood. 

  


“About what? There’s nothing we need to discuss.” 

  


“Come on Shuhua, I’m sorry.”

  


She watched carefully as Shuhua inhaled deeply, setting down her book. This was not good, Shuhua never got mad at her. Truth be told, this was their first fight. “Let’s break up.” 

  


“W-what?” That shocked her. Not that she imagined breaking up with Shuhua, but she never thought Shuhua would be the one to break things off. 

  


Standing up from her seat, grabbing her bag, and smoothing out her skirt, “Let’s break up, Seo Soojin.”

  


“W-why? What?”

  


“You said it your self.” She scoffed. “You don’t know what love is. Goodbye.” Her voice breaking slightly at the end.

  


Soojin just stood there, in disbelief that that just happened. Waiting for a couple of minutes for Shuhua to come back and say she got pranked, but Shuhua was long gone. Feeling a tear roll down her cheek.  _ Why are you crying? You did this, you pushed her away. You could’ve tried harder, but you didn’t.  _ Her thoughts attacking her as she headed home. 

  


The last thing she needed at this moment was for her parents so explode on her. The second she opened the front door, her father’s voice boomed calling for her to join them in the living room.  _ Oh god, what is it now? _ She was tired of being yelled at. 

  


“Seo Soojin, What is this?!” She felt like she’s heard that line a hundred times by now. Her dad was holding up a career path paper her counselor gave her. “Why does it say Seoul National University for Liberal Arts!?” 

  


“Appa-”

  


“I thought we agreed you’d be a doctor, a surgeon. What is this?”

  


“Appa-”

  


“Do you want to be homeless? That’s what you’ll be, having no money if you become a  _ painter _ .” He said with so much vindication. 

  


“Appa,” She said for the third time, trying to calm her temper. “I never wanted to be a doctor, you just signed me up for all these classes and I had to go.”

  


“Soojin, that’s enough.” Her mother warned. “We will not support you if you do this.”

  


“Fine.” She stated plainly. “You already don’t, I’m fine with paying for college by my self. Just a few more months, and I’ll be gone. Forever. Wouldn’t that be nice.” She said with a smile on her face, chest feeling ten times lighter.

  


“Just go to your room.” Her father tiredly rubbed his temple. Even he was tired of their constant back and forth. 

  


What a shitty end to an even shitter day. First, she got dumped but her girlfriend. And then she couldn’t even make her own life decisions. She screamed into her pillow after ripping off her school uniform tie. Feet kicking her bed aggressively as she allowed herself to throw a tantrum. Hot angry tears flowed freely from her eyes as she continued to punch her mattress. 

  


After taking a nice shower and calming down, Soojin goes back to her painting she made earlier. Once again forgetting life’s troubles, peacefully illustrating a lush meadow, listening to Taeyeon’s new album. 

  


This is how Soojin lived. Whatever problems or people life threw her way, she would just shut them out and ignore them, choosing to be distracted instead of facing them. That’s what she did to Shuhua and that what she was doing to her parents. Except for this time, it didn’t work, the only thing she could think of what Shuhua’s bright smile as she admired her brush. Shuhua gave it to her for her 17th birthday. 

  


_ “I got you nicer brushes…” Shuhua was blushing at the sentiment. “I know your parents don’t like your art, but I really do… So d-don’t stop painting.” _

  


She did actually love Shuhua deep down, she just didn’t know how to express it. Love wasn’t something very prevalent in her household. Being loved or loving meant showing vulnerability, something that made her uncomfortable. Leaning back in her chair and staring at her ceiling, she knows she hurt Shuhua.

  


The next few weeks that followed, Soojin isolated herself. Most, if not all, of her friends, were met through Shuhua. Soojin had always been on the shyer side of the social spectrum and preferred to spend her time in the art room. She didn’t see Shuhua at all. Every time she passed by the place where they used to eat lunch, Shuhua wasn’t there, but she didn’t dwell on too long. Shuhua deserved someone who could appreciate and love her and not deny her, as Soojin did. Things with her parents died down, they were tired of arguing. Knowing there was nothing they could do the change Soojin’s mind since she had decided this from a young age. Instead, they settled on giving her silent glares and occasionally calling her a “disappointment” under their breaths, but that much she could handle.

  


___

  


She was sketching the open window in front of her that Friday lunch. It had been about a month since Shuhua had broken up with her. From then, she hadn’t heard or seen the Taiwanese girl at all, nor did she interact with any of her old friends. Although a part of her missed them, she enjoyed finishing her sketches, thinking it was for the best. That was until she heard a soft knock on the opened art room door, looking up to see the gang standing there awkwardly. 

  


“Hey,” Minnie was scratching the back of her head innocently. “You haven’t seen Shuhua around lately, have you?”

  


“Hmm?” Removing the tip of her pencil from her mouth. “Uhh… No, I thought she was with you guys?”

  


“Well, ya see… The thing is… no one’s seen her for the past couple of days. And we’re getting kinda worried.” Soyeon adds. Yuqi and Miyeon were pouting in the back, they definitely hated her for the whole Shuhua situation. 

  


“She hasn’t been answering her phone. And w-we tried to visit her to see if she was sick or something, and her mom just closed the door on her.”

  


Her stomach dropped at that last piece of information. With the few times she’s met Shuhua’s parents they were nice and pleasant, not the kind of people to slam the door in their daughter’s friend’s faces. She also knew Shuhua’s parents were extremely homophobic, which made her think something bad must’ve happened. 

  


“You went to her house?”

  


“I told them not too, then they brought me with them,” Yuqi spoke up from the back. “The moment she saw me, she closed the door.”

  


This was not good, Soojin was gripping the pencil in her hand so hard, it almost snapped. “That’s not good.” She muttered as she started packing up her things. 

  


“What? What’s not good?” Minnie was getting more and more confused. 

  


“Shuhua’s parents don’t like people like us, she might’ve been found out.” Yuqi, Miyeon, Soyeon, Minnie, and herself were all out to their parents and hadn’t faced any complications, but Shuhua’s parents were strict on that topic. Soojin’s parents didn’t care who she liked, only that she got good grades.

  


Swinging her backpack over her shoulders, she rushed to her car. Not really thinking much of it, she drives straight to Shuhua’s house. Parking across the street, she jumps out. 

  


There she was. Shuhua was laying on the lush front lawn. Wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, she was starfished out on the grass. Getting closer, she saw luggage out on the street and other bags full of her stuff. Shuhua looked out of it like she wasn’t really there.

  


“Shuhua?” Shuhua lifting her head to see Soojin and sigh in irritation made her heartache a bit. “What happened?”

  


Answering a few seconds later, “I got kicked out.”

  


It pained her to see that Shuhua’s forever smile had faded, not knowing what to do or say, she just stands there. 

  


Yuqi’s dad’s car pulls up a couple of minutes later and Yuqi rushes out to hug Shuhua, who was sitting unbothered on the grass, playing with strands of her hair. 

  


“Are you ok? What happened?” 

  


“I got kicked out.” She says, almost exactly how she told Soojin. 

  


“Are you alright, want me to yell at your parents?” Lucas says, gesturing at her bags. 

  


“No, no, thank you though, uncle.” Shuhua was so close to them, they were considered family. “I’ve cried enough already.” She sighs, tiredly leaning into Yuqi’s embrace. 

  


“Don’t worry Shu, you can live with us.” He says, not missing a beat. Jungwoo was already putting her things into the car. “Who are you?” He was looking Soojin up and down. 

  


“Umm. I.. I’m-”

  


“She’s a girl from school, appa.” Yuqi stated coldly, helping Shuhua off the ground. 

  


Watching as they moved Shuhua’s stuff off the sidewalk and into their SUV, it was almost like they forgot Soojin was there. She hesitantly got back into her car when she saw them drive off.  _ Why’d see seem so unbothered that her parent’s kicked her out?  _ She didn’t dwell on it too long.

  


___

  


The art room was Soojin’s safe heaven, she enjoyed eating her lunches in the calming presence of the canvas in front of her was enough for her to forget about her problems because her life was a mess. 

  


She couldn’t deny it, she missed Shuhua. She missed when they would hold hands on her way to their next class, she missed playing with Shuhua’s long hair whenever they were sitting together, she missed sneakily sketching her whenever she was spaced out, and she missed the way she cared for her. 

  


Absent-mindedly walking into the empty art room, she stops dead in her tracks halfway through the door. Shuhua was standing near the far end of the room, looking out of the windows. She looked so picturesque, long hair flowing behind her as she stared at something in the distance. She looked thinner than she remembered, Soojin almost asked her if she had eaten yet but bit her tongue. 

  


“Shuhua?” She placed her big canvas on the floor, next to the desk she often occupied. 

  


Shuhua didn’t say anything, she just smiled back at her, but this time her smile wasn’t endearing. This time it held something different, sadness and sorrow. 


	2. "It's Hard To Take Back What I Said"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there are some homophobic slurs in here (Shuhua's parents use it against her). I am in no way trying to harm the LGBTQ community, it is just a mere characterization of Shuhua's parents. I am an ally. There is also mention of conversion therapy, I do not support these messages, its simply just to show how horrible Shuhua's parents are. If you are sensitive to this type of content, feel free to skip it. Thank you

The days after Shuhua broke up with Soojin were full of tears. She wasted a lot of time in her room and in her head. She was so angry. She hated herself, she hated Soojin, she hated her parents, and she hated the world for being so unfair. 

She couldn’t sleep, self-loathing and self-deprecating thoughts screamed at her when she tried to close her eyes.  _ You’re nothing. You’re disgusting. No one will love you this way. It’s all your fault. It’s your fault things are like this. You did this to yourself.  _ She wished for once she could just turn off her brain and forget, but she couldn’t. She went to school the next day, pretending everything was okay, when she was screaming inside. 

Every time she looked in the mirror, she felt sick to her stomach. Soon, being around her family and others became unbearable. Every second she was around people she couldn’t help but think they hated her too, deep down. She spent her lunches locked up in the bathroom stall, knees hugged tightly to her body. She couldn’t breathe when she was around her friends, them constantly asking if she was okay made her chest feel tight and her throat dry. Gently rocking to calm herself, she let the tears flow freely. 

When she got home that day, heading up to her room for another evening full of silence, it was trashed. Dresser drawers were thrown carelessly across the floor, clothes scattered everywhere, bed sheets ripped off her mattress. But then she saw it, the photo album she kept hidden under her bed was opened in the middle of her floor. It was opened on a polaroid of her kissing Soojin on the cheek with the writing that read,  _ “Happy Birthday, My Love” _ . 

Her blood ran cold, this was not good. Her parents know, there was nothing she could do the deny it anymore. 

“SHUHUA-YAH COME DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!” Her father boomed from downstairs. 

She slowly crept down the stairs to see her mother and father, with nasty expressions on their faces, sitting on the living room couch. The same couch they all snuggled up on watching family movies, the same couch they all sat on when playing fun board games during the winter, the same couch they sat on when they celebrated Shuhua’s countless birthdays. But instead of them cherishing their daughter, they were looking at her like some abomination. 

“What is  _ this _ ?” Her father questioned, holding up a picture of Soojin and her at the park. 

She was horrified, the part of herself she had hidden from her parents was now exposed and on display. 

“This is  _ disgusting _ , Shuhua. Seeing this makes me want to fucking  _ die _ .” Her own mother said to her. 

“Why, Shuhua? This is not normal.” Her dad said, getting up and grabbing her arm, pulling her to the door. “We need to talk to Pastor Kim.” 

She was crying, begging her parents not to do this. They dragged her out of the house, shoved her in the backseat, and drove to their church. Being pulled through the big mahogany doors of the church her parents frequented, they beelined to the pastor’s office. 

She was sat down and talked to for about an hour. A short stubby man dressed in all black paced around his desk explaining, “My child, this is not the will of God.” 

He shook this head, “If you continue down this path, my daughter, there will be no room for you in heaven.” She was shaking, mortified. Her parents were quick to sign her up for ‘conversion therapy’, they were embarrassed, embarrassed that their daughter was queer.

“Homosexuality is a  _ sin _ , there’s nothing to it. You will be going to hell, my dear, if you continue this.” The way he was staring at her made her feel so small, she just wanted the earth to open up and swallow her. “What you’re feeling isn’t normal, it’s  _ mental illness. _ ” 

The moment she got home, she locked her self in her room and threw up in her bathroom. In the morning, she was so weak she couldn’t get up. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, being too nauseous to even think about food.

On the 3rd day of her therapy appointment, she had it. She was done, she begged her parents, on her hands and knees for them to not make her sit in the confession stand. They made her sit there, under judging eyes, and tell them every single sexual event she experienced. It was painful and humiliating, she’s never felt so dirty and guilty. They had convinced her that there was something wrong with her. 

“If you don’t fix yourself, then you’re not my daughter.” Her mother stated coldly, slapping her across the face as she sat there on the floor, pleading. 

They pushed her out, they threw her and her things down the stairs. Screaming profanities at her as she tried to reason with them. 

_ “You are not my daughter, you dirty dyke!” _

_ “You are ruining our household, I will not stand for this.” _

_ “You deserve to rot in hell for who’ve you become.” _

She slammed the door on her, she was tired and empty by now. Shuhua didn’t really care what tomorrow held, if she stayed outside for the whole night or not, if she died homeless and hungry, or even if she got to see her family again. She just wanted the voices in her head to stop. Laying down on her front lawn, she took a deep breath. 

Willing to fall asleep, she was pulled from her daze when she hears a familiar voice beckoned, “Shuhua?”

It was Soojin. “Are you ok?”

She was the last person she wanted to see, she wished Soojin never existed. If Soojin didn’t exist, she wouldn’t be in the position she was in right now. “What?” She said slightly annoyed. 

“What happened?”

“I got kicked out.”

Laying there, ignoring her presence, until Yuqi came up to her. Things went by in a flash, the next thing she knew was that she was sitting in Yuqi’s dad’s car, being driven to their house. A place where she’d most likely spend the rest of her senior year. 

Lucas and Jungwoo were understanding, they knew it would take a bit for Shuhua to open up to them about what happened. They simply treated her like their own daughter and gave her unconditional love, something she was lacking from her real parents. 

One night, about a week, since she had been kicked out, they were sitting at the dinner table. Yuqi was sitting next to her, putting large portions on her plate, saying how Shuhua need the nutrients. 

“They made me go to therapy.” She said blank-faced, staring at her noodles. 

“What?” Lucas choked on his drink. 

“They said I was insane, disgusting, a degenerate.” It felt like she didn’t have control over what she was saying, things were just coming out. 

“T-they,” She was sobbing at this point, fork clinking on her plate as she let it go to cover her face. Yuqi was quick to embrace and comfort her. 

They spent the rest of the night talking. It felt nice to have people tell her she wasn’t deranged and that she was perfectly normal, just born in the wrong family. 

___

Soojin couldn’t even word her surprise when she saw Shuhua standing in the art room. “Shuhua?” Was all she could muster. 

Shuhua looked at her with a sad tired smile, her eyes held the embodiment of pain. She looked thinned out, starved almost, she had deep bags under her eyes, and she was a bit paler. 

She stayed silent, staring out the window. Soojin simply sat down and unknowingly started sketching Shuhua. Only then when the bell rang did she start to pack up her things. But as she made her way to the door, she felt a small tug on the back of her school sweater. Stopping, she felt Shuhua place her forehead on her back. She heard soft sniffles coming from behind her. 

Turning around, she enveloped the crying girl in her arms. 

“I hate you.” Shuhua cried against her shoulder, tightly gripping her dress shirt. 

“I know.” Soojin softly shushed her, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her. 

It felt like all time stopped, and it was just them. Soojin wanted to suck up all Shuhua’s pain, she didn’t deserve it. Shuhua, who looked at everyone with utmost respect and sincerity, did not deserve the pain the world brought her. 

___

This became their new routine, Soojin entering the art room, just to find Shuhua already there. They would be in there completely silent but together, they didn’t need words. Shuhua felt completely content with Soojin just being there and Soojin, without noticing, had countless sketches of her in her notebook. 

They only saw each other in that room and at that time. Other than that, they normally tried to avoid each other. And not to brag or anything, but Soojin was practically a master at avoiding people. That was until she saw Shuhua in the parking lot after school. 

Her parents were pulling on her arm, tears flowing fast down her cheeks as they tried to get her into their car. It was a bit later in the day, so there wasn’t anyone around to see, just Soojin. Feeling a surge of adrenaline, she cuts them off, shielding Shuhua. 

Abruptly falling to the ground when her mom let go of her, Shuhua stays there, not daring to look her parents in the eyes. 

“ _ You _ ,” Shuhua’s mom points an accusatory finger at Soojin. “ _ You _ made my daughter like this.  _ You _ made her this sick person. You’re going to pay for it when you go to hell.”

“Shuhua, enough.” Her dad called from behind her mom. “Get in the car, we’re going back to see the priest. I will not let my daughter stay with those  _ faggots _ .” 

He made a move to grab Shuhua again, but this time Soojin slapped his hands away. “Maybe if you didn’t kick her out she’d have a choice.” She was seething with rage. “You are horrible parents for putting her through this. She’s not the sick person here, you are.” 

Shuhua’s dad had enough, she slapped Soojin across the face so hard, it left a small cut from his wedding ring hitting her skin. “I will not sit around while my daughter surrounds herself with  _ dykes. _ ” 

“Then leave.” Soojin bellowed, stepping towards them threateningly. 

Shuhua’s mother put her hand over her heart, defensively. All the color had drained from her father’s face as they ran back to their car. 

Glaring at them until they were out of sight, she turned around to the shaking Shuhua behind her. Squatting down to meet her level, she held her face in between her hands and pulled her into a tight hug. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until Shuhua’s breathing evened out. 

Looking down at the frightened girl, Soojin saw Shuhua had scraped her knees from falling earlier, she also had bruises on her arms from her mom’s deadly grip. This only made her hug her tighter once they were on their feet. 

“Thank you.” Shuhua managed to say, looking so small. 

“Yeah, let’s get you home… or to Yuqi’s.” Still holding her hand as they walked over to her car. 

The car ride was mostly quiet, until Shuhua brought her hand up to her cheek, grazing the small cut on her face. “You’re hurt.”

“It’s nothing.” She shrugged of Shuhua’s hand. 

“I’m sorry.” She looked down at her lap, ashamed. “Things wouldn’t be this way if I wasn’t-”

“It’s not your fault.” Soojin was quick to interrupt. “It’s not your fault Shuhua, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your parents are just assholes.”

Shuhua let out a light laugh. It was the best thing Soojin heard all day. “That we can agree on.”

To say Yuqi was stunned to see Shhua in Soojin’s car was an understatement. Her mouth was in an ‘o’ shape when she was sitting on the porch. They both got out, Soojin helping her up the steps. 

“Shuhua! What happened to your knees?” Yuqi was gesturing to the bloody and scraped skin on her legs. 

“I umm… I-”

“Her parents showed up, they tried to take her.” Soojin helped, it was obvious that Shuhua was still a bit shaken up. 

“Hold on Shu, I’m gonna go grab some bandaids.” Yuqi quickly bound up the stairs two at a time. 

They were alone again, “Um… Thank you for that earlier Soojin.” She turned on her heels to head inside. 

Taking a leap of faith, “Shuhua!” She said a bit too loud, watching the girl flinch and turn around. “I-if you don’t mind, can we be friends again.”  _ That’s it, small steps Soojin. _ She obviously wasn’t going to say,  _ “Hey Shuhua, I’m still in love with you. Even though I left you on the floor, drunk at a party after saying I don’t remember the good times we had together.”  _ She just wanted to be close to her again. 

“Sure Soojin.” She smiled at her from the door. “I’d like that.” Shuhua softly closed the door after. 

Finally letting out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, she spun around. But only to be greeted with the sight of Miyeon staring at her, paralyzed. 

“What was that?” Miyeon questioned, she was holding some poster board project she and Shuhua were supposed to work on that night. “You’re just gonna lead her on. I, for one, will not sit here and watch my friend get hurt again.” She said protectively, glaring at Soojin. 

“I don’t intend to hurt Shuhua, Miyeon.” Soojin understood where she was coming from, they’re break up wasn’t particularly messy, but she knew how much she hurt Shuhua. 

“She really liked you, ya know. But you just left, like you always do.” Miyeon was getting defensive. “What you did was bad.” 

Rubbing her head, “I know,” Not needing to be reminded of what she did to her. “I’m sorry, I really am. I was… I w-was just.”

“Just what? Hmm? Just being wreckless.” Miyeon scoffed, obviously not in love with the idea of Soojin getting back together with Shuhua. “The last thing Shuhua needs right now is for you to leave again.” She bumped shoulder with her as she made her way up the steps, slamming the front door. 

___

She wanted to show Shuhua how much she cared, to erase all the times she gave her the cold shoulder. In retrospect, Soojin was just a brooding teenager that took Shuhua’s affection for granted. Shuhua’s absence from her life made her realize how much light she brought her, no one treated her like Shuhua did. Her parents were always distant, the little praise they gave her always lead to them criticizing her choice to be an artist. Shuhua seemed to love everything Soojin did. A feeling she hadn’t felt in so long, appreciation. 

The day after that unfortunate encounter with Shuhua’s parents, felt like any other day. Shuhua was still there, standing by the window during lunchtime. Soojin settled down start sketching the daily Shuhua, but she wanted things to change between them.

“How was your day?” She starts. 

“Okay.” Shuhua was still spacing out, head leaning on the window. 

“Mmm, mine was okay too. My parent’s still don’t want me to go to an art school, but they’ve stopped bothering me about it.” Wanting to push the conversation further.

“That’s good.” There was no emotion in her voice. 

“You still want to be a vet, right?”

“Yeah.” It seemed like short answers were all Soojin was getting today.

“Shuhua,”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry,” She felt like apologizing after all she put her through. “I’m sorry for the things I said. I was just in a sour mood, and I know I hurt you. Thank you for giving me another chance.”

Shuhua just nodded slightly, turning her attention to the ends of her hair she was playing with. 

_ Small steps, Soojin. _ She repeated in her head as she continued to draw the detailed features of Shuhua’s face. 

“What are you drawing?” Shuhua put down her hair. 

“...You.” 

“Oh,” Still barely a reaction from her. “Can I see?” She moved from her spot for the first time since they started spending their lunches in the art room. 

Soojin laid her thick sketchbook flat on the wooden school desk, revealing a number of sketches of Shuhua. Drawings from several angles, her pencil never failed to catch Shuhua’s natural beauty. 

Staring at her work in awe, Shuhua’s eyes scanned the paper. “I forget how good you are at drawing.”

“T-thanks.” Soojin never got used to receiving compliments as she was lightly blushing. “A-are things better? Now that you’re staying at Yuqi’s.”

Shuhua looked up at her, pushing some hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I feel safer.”

“That’s good,” 

Shuhua brushed her thumb across Soojin’s cheek again, pulling her face closer. “Does it hurt?”

She froze for a second in gay panic before clearing her throat and responding, “N-no, it’s nothing.” Longing for Shuhua’s touch when she let go. 

Once the bell rang, Shuhua made her way towards the door. Soojin grabbing her wrist to stop her, she wanted to ask her to hang out. 

“Shuhua, I-i was wondering if you wanted to go to the park this Saturday.” She stuttered, it was a Wednesday but she wanted to see her again. 

“Sure, Soojin.” She replied nonchalantly. 

Letting go as Shuhua had to get to class. No one was there to see, but Soojin was punching the air and jumping around.  _ Yes, here we go! The road to redemption, Soojin-ah! _ She knows it’s going to take time before she and Shuhua are back on the same page, but she let herself celebrate the small victories. 

___

Saturday had come a lot faster than she expected as she hurried out of bed to get dressed. Packing an array of paints and brushes for their park outing. She didn’t miss the glares Yuqi was giving her as she pulled up in their driveway. Soyeon was just happily waving to her from inside, trying to defuse the hostility. Shuhua calmly locked the front door behind her, she was wearing an outfit similar to the one she was wearing when she got kicked out. A simple form-fitting white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans (Soojin knew she only owned two). 

“Hi,” She smiled to the girl next to her.

“Hi.” She replied with little excitement. 

Soojin decided to take them to a different park than the one they used to go to. She settled on a nice shaded spot under a large tree, looking out to a nice view of the lake placed in the middle of the garden. 

Busting out her canvas and paints, she started her piece while Shuhua was munching on some snacks she packed. 

“Why do you like painting so much?” Shuhua asked from behind her, watching as Soojin effortlessly recreated the scene in paint. 

“Hmm, I don’t know.” She contemplated, putting the end of her brush in her mouth. “I guess it’s an escape from reality. It lets me recreate the world but from a more peaceful perspective. If I’m unhappy, I just create a reality where I’m not.”

Thoughtfully listening to Soojin’s words, Shuhua rolls down the grass hill until she’s in front of where they were sitting, laying under the sun. Looking up at the sky, she lays there with her hand up shielding the sun from her vision. 

Soojin paints Shuhua’s figure, on top of the grass. Depicting her in a calmed state, feeling at peace with her surroundings. She painted, she painted until she forgot about the complications ahead. With Shuhua by her side, she felt complete. That was until the clouds obstructed her view of the sun. Raindrops starting falling and Shuhua hurried back to her, under the tree. 

That lead to her and Shuhua sitting in her car, soaked and trying to warm up in front of the car heater. 

“I didn’t know it was gonna rain.” Soojijn grumpily pouted at her wet hair. She couldn’t ignore it when she saw the girl next to her shiver. “Hey, want to go to that cafe nearby, we could get some hot chocolate.” She suggested, not wanting to say goodbye to Shuhua yet. 

Silently nodding in agreement, Soojin started the car and sped off to some cafe they saw passing by. Soojin brought her sketchbook inside with her, diligently drawing Shuhua, who was sitting across from her sipping on some hot tea. 

“Shuhua?” She heard someone say from behind her. Turning around in her seat only to be met with the sight of Miyeon and Minnie trying to escape the rain. 

“Hi, Miyeon.” She hears Shuhua almost whisper, sinking in her seat. 

“Oh, hey guys. What’re you doing here?” Minnie smiled, throwing an arm over Miyeon’s shoulder, who was looking at Soojin cautiously. 

“We were at the park and then it started raining, so we came here,” Soojin answered. 

“Yeah, we were just shopping nearby and came to dry off. Mind if we join you guys?” Minne was masking the negativity radiating off her girlfriend. 

“Sure.” 

After the two got their drinks, sitting with them the silence only grew. Miyeon caught a glimpse of Soojins opened notebook, her expression changing from anger to sympathy in seconds. 

“I’m going to use the restroom.” Shuhua sighed, getting up from her seat, and leaving the three to themselves. 

“I didn’t know you guys were back together.” Minnie broke the ice, taking a sip from her fruit drink. 

“They’re not,” Miyeon answered for her.

“Oh? Really? It kinda looked like they were on a date.” 

“They’re just friends.” Miyeon cut in again.

Soojin stayed quite, residing in her seat as Miyeon talked for her. “Oh, nice drawings Jin. Shuhua looks pretty.” Minnie looked over to the pencil set up she had on the small table. 

“Thanks.” Was all she could say before Shuhua came back. 

Minnie finally catching on to how awkward the situation was, “Well guys, this was fun but we’ve got to get going. Thanks for letting us crash your… hang out.” She was about to say date but she corrected herself mid-sentence, pulling Miyeon out the door. 

“How can you drink that stuff?” Soojin brought up, gesturing to her cup. “I always thought green tea was too bitter.” 

Laughing at the random comment, “I know Jin-ah, you always order those drinks pumped with sugar.”

Little by little, Shuhua was warming up to her. It felt nice, like they could return to the way they were before. She knew it would be hard, but she was finally willing to try for Shuhua. She wanted to see her laugh and smile more, restore what her parents robbed her of, happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you or someone you know is living in a homophobic/dangerous house, feel free to contact this hotline 1-866-488-738 that provides help to the LGBTQ youth.


	3. "I Really Hate How Stained You Are"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of suicide

Soojin and Shuhua were slowly getting closer, as friends. They talked more, instead of silence, the art room was filled with giggles shared between the two. Soon the sketches she had of Shuhua were sketches of her smiling or in mid-laugh. 

  


Sitting on the floor of her room, she had so many drawings and paintings of the other girl, she had to dedicate a whole box full of Shuhua filled pages. Laying down and staring at the fan on her ceiling, she pulls out her phone and looks at Shuhua’s contact. 

  


It was still the same, it was a picture of her smiling directly into the camera with her eyes closed. Bored, she decided to text her first. 

  


___

  


**JinJin [4:12 pm]**

wyd?

**Shu [4:15 pm]**

Homework, why?

**JinJin [4:15 pm]**

I’m boooooooored

**Shu [4:15 pm]**

lol, why don’t you just paint or somethin?

**JinJin [4:15 pm]**

bc you’re not here for me to paint .°(ಗдಗ。)°.

**Shu [4:16 pm]**

Yah, stop being greasy Soojin -_-

  


___

  


Soojin found herself laughing at the texts Shuhua was sending her. She really wanted to see her right now but she didn’t want her to come over since her parents were a drag and she didn’t really like the idea of being glared at if she went to Yuqi’s. 

  


Even though she and Shuhua were ‘friends’ now, Miyeon and Yuqi were weary to forgive her. They didn’t sit together at lunch anymore because she and Shuhua were always in the art room. She’d occasionally see them in her classes or in passing period but other than that, they had no reason to talk to her. Her, Soyeon, and Minnie seemed fine, those two didn’t hold on to grudges that much and it only made sense that Miyeon and Yuqi disliked her since they were Shuhua’s closest friends. 

  


___

  


**JinJin [4:19 pm]**

wanna see a movie?

**Shu [4:19 pm]**

like right now?

**JinJin [4:19 pm]**

sure, it’s a Friday and it’s not like you’re

doing anything anyways ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Shu [4:19 pm]**

hmmm... fine

**JinJin [4:19 pm]**

kk, pick you up at 7.

  


___

  


Hugging her phone close to her chest, she was excited to see Shuhua soon. Rolling over and putting her artwork away. 

  


Feeling a bit insecure as Yuqi glared holes into her when she knocked on their front door. Shuhua quickly interrupted the standoff, saying bye and closing the door behind her. Walking to her parked car, Soojin noticed her wearing an oversized sweater and it made her look so small. It took everything in her power not to reach over and pink her cheeks. 

  


Finally getting to the theatre, they were standing at the counter deciding what movie they’d watch. Since this wasn’t pre-planned, the only movies available were either kid’s movies or horror movies. 

  


“Is  _ ‘Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum’ _ ok?” She looked over to Shuhua, who was standing slightly behind her. 

  


“Sure.” She shrugged, not thinking much of it. 

  


Thirty minutes into the movie and Shuhua refused to open her eyes, her head buried into the side of Soojin’s shoulder as she held onto her arm for dear life. Horror movies never really scared Soojin, but they seemed to freak Shuhua out. 

  


Soojin couldn’t help but smile at the other girl. Ever since they broke up, Shuhua never initiated skinship or did the things she did when they were dating, seeing the other girl hold her felt nice. 

  


Jumping at a particular scare in the dark theatre, Shuhua grabbed at Soojin’s hand. Happily complying, she interlocked their fingers and tightened her grip. But when the movie ended, Soojin was hesitant to let go. Lights coming back on in the once dark room, Shuhua lets go first to stretch her stiff limbs. 

  


Once they were out of the building, Soojin made a move to hold Shuhua’s hand again. But something felt off… Shuhua pulled away from her fast, _ really fast _ . Looking over to see the problem, she finds tears rolling down Shuhua’s big eyes. 

  


“Shuhua? What’s wrong.” 

  


“I’m sorry… I-i can’t.” She breaks away. “I-i can’t be around you anymore.”

  


“What?” Her head was spinning, because the last time she checked, she and Shuhua were made up and fine. She was getting irritated at how complicated things between them were becoming. “I apologized, I’m sorry. Come on Shuhua, stop being so childish.”

  


Shuhua’s demeanor changing in a flash as soon as Soojin instigated. “Childish? Soojin I can’t  _ believe  _ you.”

  


“What, I said I was sorry. The only one making things difficult is  _ you _ .” She pointed an accusatory finger in her face. 

  


Scoffing at her, Shuhua fires another bullet. “ _ I’m _ making things difficult, Soojin do you even like me? I really don’t know, you always ignored me and pushed me away.” She tried to laugh at the ridiculousness, but the pain was still very prevalent in her voice. 

  


“I-”

  


“I’m not done, you have the nerve to ask for forgiveness after  _ years _ of this shit. Soojin,  _ 4 years _ , and you think you can save that with one ‘sorry’.” She had her back turned to her and was starting to walk away. 

  


Soojin was frozen again, Shuhua had never snapped like that. Shuhua had never snapped before. She couldn’t say anything, Shuhua was right. What did she expect, relationships aren’t easy like that. Not even the lord himself could talk sense into Soojin as she angrily ran away to her car. 

  


She got home and went on a rampage, tearing her sheets off her bed, ripping papers, and even punching her wall a couple of times. By the end, her heartfelt heavy and her eyes burned slightly. She looked down into the opened box of her Shuhua drawings. Picking up a Shuhua pencil sketch, she clenched it in her hands, wrinkling the paper. Teardrops hitting the artwork and smudging the perfect pencil marks. 

  


Soojin sank to her knees, body shaken by violent sobs.  _ What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just make things right?  _ Maybe it was her lack of empathy, or devoid of human closeness, but she just wanted Shuhua. 

  


___

  


After that night, Shuhua never came to the art room. Soojin didn’t try looking for her in fear that she’d just make things worse. She couldn’t even paint. Every time she tried, she thought it looked bad and she ended up getting too frustrated to continue. By the end of that lunch period, half of her brushes were snapped in half. Grumbling in defeat she packed her things and decided to eat in the garden instead.

  


But blocking her exit was none other than Cho Miyeon. She looked pissed, her arms were folded and her eyebrows furrowed. 

  


“Miyeon, move.” She had enough at this point, she didn’t need more people telling her she sucked as a person when she was already doing that herself. “Miyeon-”

  


“What’s wrong with you? I told you to stay away and you didn’t. I told you Shuhua already gets so much shit from her parents, she doesn’t need any from you.” She takes a short breath before continuing on her rant. “You’re just as bad as them. Ya know, I was just starting to forgive you when I saw how hard you were trying, but you just had to pull that 360 and abandon her again.” 

  


Without responding, Soojin pushes her way out of the room, leaving Miyeon behind her. Almost running down the hallway, she bumps into someone, sending her and everything in her arms flying. Sitting in front of her, a girl trying to frantically pick up her dropped things reaches out. 

  


It was Shuhua. Her noticing it was Soojin, she drops her extended hand. Shuhua gets up, brushing off her uniform skirt, and runs the other direction. 

  


Before she could say anything, Shuhua was gone.  _ Great, just great. _ She thought to herself, rubbing her temples to alleviate her oncoming headache. 

  


___

  


“Don’t forget to turn in your assignments, they will count towards your grade near the end of this semester.” Her teacher was saying to the rest of the class.

  


Soojin wasn’t really paying attention, she was busy staring at Shuhua, who was sitting near the front playing with her hair. Graduation was coming up soon and they still hadn’t talked to each other for a week. 

  


She was so angry. Angry at her self, Shuhua, and her friends. Soojin was acting like a toddler who didn’t get her way and threw tantrums, she face palmed every time she thought about that night Shuhua blew up on her.  _ How can I be so stupid? Seo Soojin, you’re the worst. _

  


Looking down at her paper, in Times New Roman font read the passage:  _ “Who do you want to be in 5 years?” _ Tapping the back of her pencil on the table, she didn’t really think about her future. She just knew she wanted to be an artist and go to SNU (Seoul National University), but she didn’t know how she’d get there. Most of her time was spent fighting her parents on her career path, and none of it was spent figuring out what she’d do once she won. 

  


The classroom was silent, save for a few hushed voices that blanketed the silence. Chewing on her eraser. Soojin thinks harder. She didn’t really put much thought into things like this, she lived by the motto ‘go with the flow’. Again, not thinking much of she simply jotted down her answer before dropping it off on her teacher’s desk at the end of class. On the answer line, on top of messy pencil erasings, she wrote  _ ‘loved’ _ . 

  


___

  


These days, Shuhua hated crying. It was physically and emotionally draining and she was tired of feeling sorry for herself. Some nights she cried about her parents, some nights she cried about Soojin, and other nights she cried about both. She tried to keep her sobs silent, not wanting to wake Yuqi up, who slept in the other room. But it became pretty obvious when she showed up to breakfast with a puffy face and deep eye bags.

  


Her uncles, not wanting to make things uncomfortable, treated her like everything was alright, putting more eggs on her plate. Near the end of their meal, Yuqi and Shuhua headed up to their rooms to get ready for school. Leaving her plate at the table, cold and untouched, as she got dressed in her school uniform. 

  


_ Just a little longer, Shuhua. Just hold on for a little longer. _ She repeated in her head. But in reality, it wasn’t ‘a little longer’ because her parents would never come back and Soojin would never change, but she didn’t need to think about that.

  


Throughout the day, she spent all her time next to Yuqi, quiet. But eventually, Yuqi would leave to be with Soyeon (it only made sense, they were dating) and Shuhua was left alone. She didn’t want to see Soojin, every second she was with her she felt like deep down Soojin didn’t really like her, like she was just hanging around out of pity. She tried to forget it, she really did. But she couldn’t help but think, “ _ Why else would she be around me? She must pity me.”  _ She still loved Soojin. There was a part of her that always would, but she felt so betrayed when they broke up. Like years of her life spent being lied to.

  


Shuhua believed people changed, but there was no way Soojin was capable of that. She knew for a long time, Soojin always hated skinship and being close to people but in the past, she chose to ignore it. Ever since she had been forced to do her ‘therapy’, she felt abnormally insecure about herself. She felt uncomfortable in her own skin all the time, every second she was around other people she felt like they thought she was disgusting. The pastor told her she was evil, dirty, and tainted, it took a toll on how she viewed herself. She was starting to believe it, escaping out to the roof of their school building instead or hanging around her friends. 

  


Sitting on the ledge, she swung her feet calmly, looking down 60 ft below her to the concrete sidewalk. She never had any suicidal tendencies, but the thought of jumping didn’t scare her. When she wasn’t crying, she barely felt anything. The familiar numbing sensation spread through her chest as she scooted further off the ledge. Balancing herself between the edge, she was interrupted by the ending lunch bell. 

  


Shuhua was playing with the ends of her hair, thinking about the consequences if she had jumped earlier.  _ Yuqi and Miyeon would be sad. But my parents wouldn’t care, they’d be happy.  _ As much as she loathed herself she didn’t want to cause others around her any more pain, they didn’t deserve it. She decided she’d sit here and take it all. 

  


Satisfied with her decision, she looked down to see the question printed on the paper in front of her.  _ “Who do you want to be in 5 years?” _ She almost laughed at the question. Ironically enough, she didn’t see herself living that long. But instead, she settled on writing a short answer.

  


Putting her pencil case and books back in her bag, she turned in her work on the way out. Laying idly on the front desk, she wrote in neat handwriting,  _ ‘Someone new’. _

  


___

  


Soojin was dreading graduation day, she didn’t see a reason she needed to go. She had no friends and her parents didn’t even like her. They’d just stand there in the crowd and glare at her while she received her diploma. 

  


But there she was, dressed in her cap and gown, seated in a foldable chair in a sea of people who wore the exact same thing. The principal was telling some cheesy overused graduation speech and it took everything in her power not to roll her eyes. 

  


After a dozen people, whose names she never learned, got called up before her, her least favorite teacher called her. 

  


_ “Seo Soojin.” _

  


She walked up there with a blank face, trying to ignore the stares Yuqi and Miyeon were giving her on the stage from the crowd. Soojin looked over to where her mom and dad were seated, they wore the same expression she wore. An emotionless mask. 

  


Standing around in the high school hallways, she felt her mom tightly grip her upper forearm and pull her down to her height. “You such a disappointment. If I could go back in time and not have you, I would.”

  


Out of all the horrible things her mother said to her, that one hit the hardest. She may have called her a disappointment, a waste of brains, and a useless girl, but she never wished against her existence. 

  


Wrenching her arm free, she makes a run towards the staircase because it’s the only opened door in her sight. Tears welling up in her eyes, she sprinted upstairs two at a time. Getting on the top of the building and pulling off her cap, she feels like she can finally breathe. After calming herself for a couple of seconds, she notices Shuhua standing there near the edge. Dropping her diploma and sinking to her knees, Soojin allows herself to break down. 

  


___

  


Shuhua hears the door open from behind her, she slipped from Yuqi’s side while she was distracted taking pictures with her other friends. This was the last time Shuhua would be at high school. Although she didn’t hate or like the experience, she was sad to see change, going back up to her little hiding spot on the roof. Shuhua was again tempted to test her mortality, standing on the very edge of the roof. 

  


Disturbing her thoughts, she sees Soojin rush to the building top. Out of the 4 years she knew her, Shuhua had never seen Soojin cry. She didn’t even think Soojin was capable of shedding tears. But she was proven wrong, Soojin seemed traumatized as she cried shamelessly, head buried in her hands. 

  


She was just staring with wide eyes. On one hand, she hated Soojin for what she put her through. But on the other hand, something very bad must’ve happened for Soojin to be in this state. Her heart of gold was aching as she walked over to the sobbing girl, gently patting her head and providing comfort. 

  


When that didn’t work, she got down on her level and hugged her, laying her head on Soojin’s shaking shoulder. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until Soojin looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. 

  


“Shuhua, I’m sorry. I hurt you and that was not ok.” Sniffling in between, she wanted to set things straight. “I loved you, or at least I believe I did. I just… I-i was so angry, at everyone, my family. I didn’t know how to receive love, because you were the only person who showed it to me. So I pushed you away.” She started crying again. 

  


_ What? _ Shuhua just assumed her parents were strict, she then realized.  _ Maybe I don’t know everything about Soojin. _

  


They spent the rest of the night on the roof, not really caring if people were looking for them. Yuqi and Miyeon were kind of used to Shuhua disappearing these days and let her be and Soojin’s parents didn’t really care either way. 

  


For the first time since that night, they talked. Shuhua talked about what she went through, what Soojin put her through. Soojin talked about her parents and isolation. Talking about these things for once made Soojin feel lighter. She may not have solutions to her problems, but sharing them made it easier to deal with somehow, Shuhua understood and provided some comfort. Content with each other, Soojin rested her head on her shoulder as the two sat on the roof watching the sunset. Only Shuhua’s ringing phone cutting in. 

  


“Hello?” She answered. 

  


“Where are you?! Soyeon’s party just started.” Soojin could hear Miyeon yell through the speaker. “Also Minnie is really drunk right now. Are you coming?”

  


“Umm… No, I think I’m just gonna go home and rest.” Shuhua replied in a small voice.

  


“Okay, get home safe. LOVE YOU SHUSHU!” She could tell Miyeon had a couple drinks as well. 

  


Locking her phone and slipping it under her waistband, Shuhua stood up. Earlier, both of them took off their black graduation gowns, Shuhua was wearing a simple t-shirt tucked into her pleated school skirt and Soojin was wearing some old band shirt with a pair of baggy jeans, neither of them cared about formality. 

  


“How about I drive you home,” Soojin suggested. 

  


Shuhua had no choice but to accept since Miyeon drove them here and right now she was plastered at some party, but she didn’t tell Soojin that. They left their spot on the roof. 

  


Turning the street corner, Soojin parked the car, allowing Shuhua to get out. As she unbuckled her seatbelt, she faced Soojin. 

  


“I’m glad you were born. Thank you.” She opened the door and walked across the dark lawn. 

  


Tears welling in her eyes again, Soojin let out a shaky sigh.  _ I’m glad I met you, Yeh Shuhua. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, idk. Also, stream "I'M THE TREND" by (G)I-DLE and "MONSTER" by IRENE & SEULGI


	4. "I Keep Coming Back To You"

_ “I’m glad you were born” _ Soojin replayed that same sentence in her head a hundred times by now. After she dropped Shuhua off, she drove home and sat in her driveway until she saw the living room lights turn off. She really didn’t want to fight with her parents right now. Quietly slipping through the front door and going up to her room, she collapsed on her bed.  _ Boy, talking about your feeling is exhausting. _ She thought, putting on her pajamas. 

As tired as she was, she didn’t regret it. For the long time she knew Shuhua, she rarely shared much about herself. Shuhua just had to pay attention in order to learn about Soojin, since she wasn’t the talkative type. For once in her life she opened up, she let Shuhua in. 

___

With her senior year ended, she decided it was time to put her portfolio together. Sitting cross-legged on her bedroom floor again, she opened her door and window to let the calm summer breeze in. Scattered all in front of her were artworks she had accumulated over time, separated by year.

In the first pile were her pieces from freshman year. There were lots of papers with birds and flower pencil drawings, she remembered sitting in the school garden during her break time, calmly sketching them. That was the year she met Shuhua.

In the second pile were canvases with more contemporary and abstract pieces. In her sophomore year, she became more adventurous. There ever multiple mediums she used that era, some collages, some screen prints, and even some digital artworks. 

In the third pile were small clay sculptures. Some were of people and the human physique, and others were of animals or random objects. The detail even surprised her, when she opened the box she thought there was a real mouse in it. Picking it up to only realize it was made out of glazed clay and painted realistically. 

In the fourth pile were more sketches. She didn’t really have much time to paint her senior year, between school and studying. Over seventy pages of sketchbook paper that was torn out of her notebook filled with Shuhua. Sketches of her face, her hands, and her looking out the window. Sketches of her sitting from across her, her laughing, her smiling. Her year had been full of Shuhua.

One could argue that all her past years in high school were full of Shuhua, but one could also argue that you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. Soojin didn’t treat Shuhua like she should’ve and before she knew it, she was gone. Soojin was a little butt hurt the graduation would be the last time she saw Shuhua, but at least she got that stuff off her chest, she could finally move forward as a better person. 

Compiling her best works, she curated them into a new box. She’d have to make it into an actual portfolio later but for now, she was happy with the progress she made. 

Scrolling on her twitter for a couple of minutes and she heard the doorbell ring. Her parents weren’t home and she didn’t have any friends, so she was a bit scared as she slowly walked down the stairs. 

Opening the door, she looked down at her porch.  _ Oh, it was just the delivery man. _ A part of her wished it was Shuhua. But she immediately reminded herself how ridiculous that notion was.  _ It wasn’t her, why would she visit me anyway. I’ll wait for her though. _

___

Summer was uneventful. There only so many landscapes she could paint before she got bored. Canvases started stacking up in her room as a by-product of her going to the park every day. Between the numerous boxes and oil canvases hoarded up in her room, she was excited to move into her dorm. 

Moving day was upon her and she didn’t even tell her parents when she cleared everything from that godforsaken house. Happily unpacking her things in her new place when the dorm supervisor knocks on her opened door. Wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead, she sets down her last box. 

“Hi, I’m Joohyun, the dorm supervisor.” She wore a warm smile and held out an extended hand for Soojin to shake. 

Taking it, “Nice to meet you, I’m Soojin.” 

“I take it you finished moving in?” 

“Yeah, that was the last box.” She tried her best to lend a friendly smile. 

“Cool… Well it turns out, your roommate won’t be living on campus. So the room’s all yours.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Well anyways, welcome to SNU!” And with that, Joohyun disappeared. 

Soojin was kind of sad she didn’t get a roommate. That meant she’d be alone again. She always imagined that she and her college dorm roommate would end up being best friends. On the bright side, she didn’t have to worry about getting a bad roommate or sharing her space. 

The first month of classes was filled with her running across campus, trying to find her next lecture. The second month was when she was starting to get the hang of it and things were looking brighter. She was on top of all her classes and having fun with her major, having received a couple of interning opportunities from renowned museums and companies. 

AND she made one friend along the way. Well, she was a girl that happened to be partnered with her in her art class, and Soojin was counting her victories too soon.

___

Shuhua spent her summer sunbathing in Taiwan with her friends. They had been planning this trip since freshman year and Shuhua had worked ridiculous hours in order to afford college, housing, and the ticket. 

Summer days spent with her and Yuqi translating mandarin for her friends and playing under the sun. When July came to an end, she was supposed to move into her dorm, but Miyeon made her an offer she couldn’t refuse. Instead of living in some small cramped dorm on campus, she and Miyeon would be living in a cheaper apartment a bit further from SNU. It was cheaper  _ and _ bigger. Sure she’d have to commute, but beats spending unnecessary money on a place she’d eventually just move out of. It was settled, she would be attending SNU under a veterinary major and living with Miyeon. Living away from home, or Yuqi’s house, was nice. It felt like she was on a clean slate. 

Her classes were hard, no surprise, she was taking medical classes and volunteering at a pet adoption center. But grueling weeks of classes and shifts were nothing compared to the emotional strain her parents put on her. She was happier, she went out with her friends more, talked more, smiled more. It felt good to meet new people, hang out with her friends, and finally live with little worries. 

Little by little, Shuhua was turning back into her old self, the person she was before her parents stomped her confidence into the ground. She was currently getting ready to eat dinner with her friends.

Dressing in casual clothes, Shuhua and Miyeon met Soyeon, Minnie, and Yuqi at a nearby restaurant. 

“It feels like forever since I’ve seen you guys.” Minnie says dramatically, pretending to cry into her girlfriend’s shoulder.

Miyeon, reciprocating to touch lets Minnie lay on her, “I saw you yesterday, pabo.”

“Yeah, but I meant  _ all  _ of us.”

“I mean, between spending time in the studio and writing songs, this is the first night I’ve had free.” Soyeon sighs, taking a sip from her beer.

Unlike the other girls, Soyeon wasn’t attending college. Right out of high school, she signed a contract with Cube Entertainment to be one of their new producers and was making a modest amount of money. Minnie and Yuqi both attended Korea University, Minnie majoring in business and Yuqi in computer science. Miyeon went to SNU with her and was studying music composition, she was also signed to Cube Entertainment for her golden vocals and stunning visuals. 

They caught up during dinner and were just looking to get drunk at this point. Empty glasses filled the tabletop and Minnie and Soyeon were playing paper football with a chopstick wrapper. 

“Ah!” Miyeon whined, her cheeks rosy from the amount of alcohol she consumed. “Shuhua-yah, can you get us some more drinks?” She burped. 

“How about I get you a nice cold glass of water, unnie.” She looked at Miyeon in concern, getting out of her seat to go to the counter. 

“Mmm no, more soju please.”

Walking over to the bar, there were very little people at this restaurant for it being a Friday night, she hears a familiar voice. 

“Can I get another round please.” Looking over, she sees a girl with short cut hair, those signature bangs, red lipstick, and a mole under her left eye.  _ Seo Soojin. _

“Soojin?” She thinks out loud, accidentally catching the other girl’s attention. 

“Shuhua?” Soojin was sitting alone at the bar with a large stack of papers next to her. 

“Soojin, what are you doing here?”

“I go to SNU, you?”

“I… g-go there as well.” It felt odd seeing her after a year. Not to say she got over the girl, she was simply too distracted to think about her. She ordered her drinks, trying to ignore the obvious stare Soojin was giving her. 

Returning to her friends she just sat there, memories of her and Soojin swimming in her head. 

“Shuhua?” Miyeon looked over to the spaced-out girl.

“Hmm?”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She quickly snapped out of her trance, going on with the night.

___

Standing frozen under the bus stop, Shuhua knew she should’ve woken up when her alarm went off. Instead, she was late and missed the last bus to campus. Holding hope, she still stood there. Miyeon had a car, her graduation present from her parents, but she was in the middle of an exam right now and wouldn’t be able to pick her up. Then the last person she expected to see, pulled up beside her.

Rolling down her window, yelling over the loud aggressive rainfall. “Shuhua? What are doing in the rain?”

“I missed my bus.” She frowned.

“Get in.” She heard the locks on the car unclicking. 

Obliging, she gets into the passenger seat. Soojin’s car is exactly how she remembered it. Little cherry-scented air fresheners hanging from the rearview mirror, the little hula dancer sitting on her dashboard from when Shuhua brought it back for her in sophomore year from Hawaii, and the empty water bottles sitting in the front seat cup holders. 

Soojin loved her car. It was an old Subaru but it worked well. They shared their first kiss in this car… Shaking her head of past thoughts, she stays silent. 

Calmly tapping her fingers on the steering wheel along with the music playing from the radio, Soojin drives to campus. 

“Is here okay?” Soojin asked, stopping near the medical wing of the school. 

“Yeah, thanks.”

“No problem.” She looked like she had more to say, but still hesitant. “Um, Shuhua?”

“Yes?”

“Can we restart? Like with being friends and stuff? I know that’s a lot to ask, but just give me a chance. I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other bu-”

Pondering on the request for a couple of seconds before answering, Shuhua just sat there.  _ Sure, _ Soojin broke her heart, but the last time they saw each other, they had an honest conversation about why things were the way they were. She was willing to forgive and forget, then why was she so skeptical? 

“...Sure, Soojin.” She released.

“Then it’s settled,” She said offering to shake her hand. “Hi, I’m Seo Soojin. It’s nice to meet you.”

Laughing at her goofy gesture, “Hi Soojin, I’m Yeh Shuhua.” 

Getting out of the car and heading to her next class, all she could think about was Soojin. 

___

_ YES! _ Soojin was ecstatic, raising her fist over her head, completely forgetting she was still in her car and punching the roof. Her heart was pounding in her ears, she was finally going to do things right. 

For the rest of the day, her head was in the clouds. It started when she accidentally left the fork in her cup noodles she was microwaving in her part-time job’s breakroom and almost burned the building down, and it ended when she tied her shoelaces together and fell on her face. 

Collapsing on her mattress, she was still on a high from Shuhua’s words. Then going through her contacts and seeing Shuhua’s name still there.  _ I wonder if she still has the same number… _

___

**SooSoo [8:06 pm]**

Hello…

**Shu [8:09 pm]**

Soojin?

**SooSoo [8:09 pm]**

So you still have the same number!

**Shu [8:09 pm]**

Mhm

**SooSoo [8:09 pm]**

How was your day?

**Shu [8:09 pm]**

It was ok… Luckily I didn’t miss my lecture

**SooSoo [8:10 pm]**

That’s good

Wyd now?

**Shu [8:10 pm]**

Just getting home I’m really tired.

**SooSoo [8:10 pm]**

Well, I’ll let you rest gn :)

**Shu [8:10 pm]**

Gn 

___

This new Soojin was… different. Whenever Shuhua was lazing around her apartment, it’s like Soojin knew when she was bored and texted her. 

New Soojin asked how her day was, wished her good morning and good night, and she always asked to hang out. If Shuhua wasn’t drowning in assignments and running off 2 hours of sleep every day, she might’ve said yes, she didn’t have any time.  _ Finally _ , she had a weekend all to herself and invited Soojin on a coffee date. Well, it wasn’t really a date, or was it? Shuhua didn’t really know what to call them, Soojin said she wanted to be friends again, but it didn’t feel like they were friends. It felt like Shuhua was slowly falling for her high school sweetheart again.

In her defense, she had to give it to Soojin, she really got it together. Soojin seemed more in tune with herself, maybe it was her finally opening up after leaving her parents, or just her maturing, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. 

After changing her outfit a couple of times she headed out of her room. Miyeon said Minnie was coming over in a couple of minutes, so the girl was just channel surfing on the couch. 

“Oooo, where you going all dressed up?” Miyeon teased. 

“W-what, dressed up? I’m not-” Shuhua was just wearing a simple t-shirt under an oversized cardigan and a pair of vintage jeans. 

“Where you goin?” Miyeon interrupts Shuhua’s rambling.

“A… friend.”

“From class?”

“N-no,”

“Then who?”

“...Soojin.”

Miyeon gave her a cautious look, “Seo Soojin?”

“Yes.”

“She goes here?”

“Yeah,” Shuhua was trying to escape toward the door.

“Just be careful Shuhua…”

“Thanks, bye Miyeon.” Leaving more nervous than she intended

___

Soojin showed up at the cafe an hour early, she was also nervous. She and Shuhua spent many late nights texting back and forth, but this was the first time she and her would be hanging out. She was frantically sketching the entire cafe, trying to calm down.

“You’ve gotten better at that.” Soojin looked up from her notebook to Shuhua sitting across from her, smiling. 

“T-thank you.” She was already gay panicking. 

They spent the rest of the Saturday laughing over things and enjoying their drinks. Soojin finally felt complete, like she was waiting for Shuhua to come back. 

_ I missed this, I missed you. _ Shuhua was laughing at some story about Soojin’s professor getting caught with a student. 

Neither of them dated people when apart, yet being together again felt so different. Like they were two changed people. Soojin was calmer, happier, and less resentful. Shuhua was more mature, sure of what she wanted, and comfortable with herself again. Before they realized it, it was 4 pm. 

“Wanna get out of here?” Soojin said leaning forward in her seat. 

The two of them took a nice walk through the busy city. Everyone around them seemed to be in a rush, but they seemed at ease in each other’s latency. 

Not wanting to shy away from what seemed like the perfect opportunity, Soojin grabbed Shuhua’s hand. 

Returning a slight squeeze when their fingers interlocked, Shuhua couldn’t hide her grin. She missed this, she missed the kind of intimacy this new Soojin offered. She felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time, security. 

___

The sound of her alarm blaring through her dreams woke her up. Grumbling and blindly patting around her bedside table, she hit the snooze on her alarm.

“Ah Shuhua-yah, it’s time to wake up.” She yawned. 

The girl next to her was knocked out cold. She didn’t blame her, after starting her new job at the vet, Shuhua was pooped. 

“Five more minutes.” Her girlfriend whined from under the covers. 

“Come on, you wouldn’t want to be late.” Soojin went on. 

“Fine,” Shuhua sleepily sat up. 

“Good morning.” She placed a soft kiss on Shuhua’s left cheek.

“Good morning, JinJin.” Shuhua also yawned, smiling. 

They had been going on strong for another 4 years, and now they happily shared an apartment in Seoul. 

Shuhua finally left her spot in bed and got dressed. Soojin took on the duty to make them both coffee. 

“What should we get Yuqi for her wedding?” She heard Shuhua yell from their closet. 

“Mmmm, how about that Switch she was talking about that.”

“Oooo, good idea.” She came out wearing her hospital scrubs and bending down to pick up their dog, Haku. 

Their apartment was pretty large for both of them. Soojin made big money being the main curator at the Seoul MOMA and selling her works. Having her art hanging in her home felt freeing, and having Shuhua by her side felt even better. 

Shuhua was gathering her bag and coat, kissing Soojin on the cheek on her way out, “See you later, JinJin.”

“Have a good day Shuhua-yah.” She smiled at the woman heading out into the December snow. 

Thinking back to senior year in high school, both Shuhua and Soojin fulfilled their expectations. In five years, Shuhua became someone new, someone who could accept herself and someone who was confident in her own skin, Soojin became capable of loving and being loved. 

Looking down at the gold band on her ring finger, she was elated knowing Shuhua was her first and last love. Finishing her morning coffee, Soojin smiles to herself.  _ I will always come back to you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for showing so much love and support on the fic <3\. Feel free to check out any of my other works and thank you again. :')

**Author's Note:**

> twt: @akuma__jpg  
> DMs open for suggestions :)  
> Don't forget to leave kudos, thanks.


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